I don't try to hide the fact that I am dismally uninteresting to alot of people. I am not in the business of covering up that I, like many men, am partial to sport and boozy discussion about sport. I don't think there is great deal of scientific reasoning for why dudes like to watch sport be it football, rugby or tennis matches involving Maria Sharapova.
For those who are the least bit interested, my opinion is that top level English sport is currently at a very poor level considering we invented half of them. I'm not talking about UK sport, just English sport as I do not care in the least about the countries of Wales, Northern Ireland or Scotland. I should care about Scotland as that is where the majority of my ancestors were from but there is just something about the boxer-less kilt and scotch-fueled Glasgow kiss combination that I'm less that fond of.
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| Edinburgh Castle was built for the sole purpose of firing cannons at Edinburgh. |
Let's start with cricket (If you hadn't opened a book or logged onto your Facebook by now, well done. But now I've lost you). Cricket is, for alot of people in this country, a complete snooze fest. I'm partial to the big England Test matches, like The Ashes, because some of the play can be very fun to watch at times. Yeah I said it. But park me in front of a four day match between Derbyshire and Glamorgan and even if I'm not the least bit tired, I'll fall asleep without fail.
I find Test cricket occasionally enthralling simply because I enjoy watching players who are genuinely a cut above the rest. Players of world class calibre doing what they do best (this may not be true. Who knows, Andrew Flintoff may be better at cooking a mean sirloin. I'd believe this). This is why I am dumbstruck at the ECB's decision to get rid of Kevin Pietersen.
Pietersen is one of the only players who would cause me to stop what I was doing and watch some cricket. That takes alot. Considering he was the highest English run scorer in the recent Ashes series down under, to drop him is an utter disgrace. It shows what state English cricket is in when they drop their best player and hope for improvement. Oh dear.
The football team isn't much better. When you have a pair of navigationally challenged stoats in Kyle Walker and Chris Smalling defending and a striker with the shooting ability of a Stormtrooper in Danny Welbeck, you got problems son. Their only hopes of getting out of the group stage are if the Uruguay team decide to have a nap after 45 minutes or if the Italian squad decides to give up and run away before the game.
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| 'Football game? Today?? No thanks, I don't wan't anybody to foul my hair.' |
The only sports in which they are relatively competent are Rugby, Golf and Formula 1. I won't talk about rugby as I'm not knowledgeable enough on the subject. And I won't talk about golf as I'm not particularly keen on the idea of a self induced coma. We're not bad at F1. Even though I don't like him, his stupid gormless face or his limelight seeking cocky arrogant wanker personality, I will say that Lewis Hamilton is quite a good racing driver. Moving on.
English sport needs help. We cheer on our mostly foreign football teams in the winter and the very Scottish mumbling patron saint of double handed backhand, Andy Murray in the summer. I hope to the highest being that English sport does improve for the sake of those alcohol filled bar conversations on Saturday nights. For the sake of the sanity of male drinkers across the land, English sports please improve!
A big thanks for those who stayed with me. You have wasted your time. Continue with your weird lives.
