Now that I'm back writing after my twenty-ninth can't-be-arsed-to-write break, I thought it would be a great time to write about one of my long standing passions... music. In particular, good music. Music that is not manufactured, auto-tuned X Factor cowshit. Music that is not recycled pretending-to-be-black-when-you-quite-obviously-aren't rap. Music that is not Coldplay.
I have decided to be a tad indulgent and compile my own rock supergroup from the years that my life has occurred in. This group has been compiled partly in accordance with my own magnificent musical tastes, so they may not necessarily reflect your own (inferior) tastes. My band has a singer, a drummer, a bassist and a guitarist and I shall include the winners and runners up of my imaginary auditions.
BEHIND THE KIT
Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Them Crooked Vultures)
Runners Up: Tommy Clufetos (Black Sabbath), Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters), Joey Castillo (QOTSA), Travis Barker (Blink 182), Brad Wilk (RATM).
This was a tough choice. All of them are extremely good drummers but Grohl is an undeniable goliath of the rock world. He is smiley, happy, jokey and just generally everyone's bestest pal in the whole wide world. But give him a pair of drumsticks and he transforms into a skin killing machine hell-bent on making as much noise as he possibly can. When not playing drums or devouring fresh pots of coffee, he is also a pretty good songwriter which wins him a place in my band.
Castillo narrowly misses out as he never seems to wear clothes, a negative mark in my book.
Additionally, I have had the pleasure of seeing Tommy Clufetos live with Black Sabbath and any drummer who can maintain a not-boring drum solo for half an hour (while his pensioner band mates get their well needed oxygen and teacake break) deserves a mention in this list.
Castillo narrowly misses out as he never seems to wear clothes, a negative mark in my book.
 |
| Joey Castillo, formerly of Queens of the Stone Age, never wears anything. Ever. Probably why he was fired... At least new guy Jon Theodore wears a vest. |
Additionally, I have had the pleasure of seeing Tommy Clufetos live with Black Sabbath and any drummer who can maintain a not-boring drum solo for half an hour (while his pensioner band mates get their well needed oxygen and teacake break) deserves a mention in this list.
THE BASSMAN
Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Runners Up: Chris Wolstenholme (Muse), Mike Kerr (Royal Blood), Rob Trujillo (Metallica), Krist Novoselic (Nirvana), John Paul Jones (Led Zep, TCV)
The main reason for failing to pick John Paul Jones here was because I thought that having an all Them Crooked Vultures line-up would be cheating a bit. Flea is Flea and Flea is crazy. His hair colour changes more than a chameleon on an LSD trip and he has this unique funk style that not many others could even attempt to emulate. Plus, he could probably benefit from getting the sight of the 52 year old naked torso of Anthony Kiedis out of his eye line for a bit.
I really like the sound of a distorted bass when it is done right and Mike Kerr of Royal Blood gets his sounding so brilliantly enormous that, if you stood right in front of his amp, you would probably lose your face. Wolstenholme's signature sound is more synthy, but still packs the punch needed in a three piece band.
ON THE GUITAR
Matt Bellamy (Muse)
Runners Up: Jack White (White Stripes, Raconteurs), Nick Valensi (The Strokes), Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead), Alain Johannes (TCV, QOTSA), Jerry Cantrell (Alice In Chains)
There are so many more I could have included here but for the fact that Muse are probably my favourite band and this is an exclusive popularity contest, Mr Bellamy wins the day. With his collection of shiny Manson guitars, he has made some very strange noises over the years. However these years also contain some absolutely killer riffs such as in Plug In Baby, Stockholm Syndrome, New Born, Knights of Cydonia, Supremacy, MK Ultra, Citizen Erased, blah blah... alot of Muse songs.
Who is Alain Johannes? You ask. He is a small, bald man who plays with Josh Homme alot. Music. He plays music with him alot. Just watch him on the mandolin in a video of Them Crooked Vultures playing 'HWY 1' live and come back to me. Yeah, he's pretty good.
ON THE MIC
Layne Staley (Alice In Chains)
Runners Up: Chris Cornell (Soundgarden), Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver), Beck (erm... Beck), Miles Kennedy (Alter Bridge, Slash)
People give almost all acclaim and credit of the grunge era in the early 1990's to Kurt Cobain (and to an extent, rightly so), but if there is one dude who could fully encapsulate the mood of the era, it's Layne. He had this rare ability to convey both vulnerability and power in the way he sang so it is a shame that Alice In Chains have been so massively under-appreciated in that era and in ensuing years. Although if they were hugely commercially successful like Nirvana, I have a feeling Staley would not have lasted nearly as long as he did (Staley died in 2002, eight years after Cobain).
I didn't include Beck in any other category, simply because he can play about a thousand instruments but there is just a really nice vibe to the way he sings. Notwithstanding, he had the perfect excuse to deck Kanye West at the Grammy Awards but chose to act all dignified and shit. I'll have to take points away from you for that one, Mr Beck.
Cornell and Vedder have such ridiculously powerful voices but just lose out to Staley, simply for the fact Staley to me WAS grunge music. Kennedy and Weiland both have incredible vocal ranges but perhaps just lack that bit of emotional power that makes a rock singer an absolute true great of their trade.
PLAYING WHATEVER THE HELL INSTRUMENT HE LIKES
John Paul Jones. It's a five piece now, by the way. I couldn't leave this guy out.
TO CONCLUDE...
So, there we are. Layne Staley, Flea, JPJ, Matt Bellamy and Dave Grohl. I christen the band Unexplained Stain. If you disagree with any of my nominees that is absolutely fine, you are entitled to your opinion. Just don't come round my house and expect to not be shot in your giblets with an air rifle. Kidding of course! I will treat your lower regions with the tender loving care and hospitality that they deserve. I need to find a middle ground somewhere...
So, Unexplained Stain, I've done the ground work. Up to you guys to talk to each other and see what we can do...
 |
| I do realise that Flea also occasionally forgets to put clothes on as well... look, alot of people in bands just don't see clothes as completely necessary. |
I really like the sound of a distorted bass when it is done right and Mike Kerr of Royal Blood gets his sounding so brilliantly enormous that, if you stood right in front of his amp, you would probably lose your face. Wolstenholme's signature sound is more synthy, but still packs the punch needed in a three piece band.
ON THE GUITAR
Matt Bellamy (Muse)
Runners Up: Jack White (White Stripes, Raconteurs), Nick Valensi (The Strokes), Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead), Alain Johannes (TCV, QOTSA), Jerry Cantrell (Alice In Chains)
There are so many more I could have included here but for the fact that Muse are probably my favourite band and this is an exclusive popularity contest, Mr Bellamy wins the day. With his collection of shiny Manson guitars, he has made some very strange noises over the years. However these years also contain some absolutely killer riffs such as in Plug In Baby, Stockholm Syndrome, New Born, Knights of Cydonia, Supremacy, MK Ultra, Citizen Erased, blah blah... alot of Muse songs.
Who is Alain Johannes? You ask. He is a small, bald man who plays with Josh Homme alot. Music. He plays music with him alot. Just watch him on the mandolin in a video of Them Crooked Vultures playing 'HWY 1' live and come back to me. Yeah, he's pretty good.
 |
| Alain Johannes being unassuming but awesome. |
ON THE MIC
Layne Staley (Alice In Chains)
Runners Up: Chris Cornell (Soundgarden), Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver), Beck (erm... Beck), Miles Kennedy (Alter Bridge, Slash)
People give almost all acclaim and credit of the grunge era in the early 1990's to Kurt Cobain (and to an extent, rightly so), but if there is one dude who could fully encapsulate the mood of the era, it's Layne. He had this rare ability to convey both vulnerability and power in the way he sang so it is a shame that Alice In Chains have been so massively under-appreciated in that era and in ensuing years. Although if they were hugely commercially successful like Nirvana, I have a feeling Staley would not have lasted nearly as long as he did (Staley died in 2002, eight years after Cobain).
I didn't include Beck in any other category, simply because he can play about a thousand instruments but there is just a really nice vibe to the way he sings. Notwithstanding, he had the perfect excuse to deck Kanye West at the Grammy Awards but chose to act all dignified and shit. I'll have to take points away from you for that one, Mr Beck.
 |
| Had to stop himself, mind |
Cornell and Vedder have such ridiculously powerful voices but just lose out to Staley, simply for the fact Staley to me WAS grunge music. Kennedy and Weiland both have incredible vocal ranges but perhaps just lack that bit of emotional power that makes a rock singer an absolute true great of their trade.
PLAYING WHATEVER THE HELL INSTRUMENT HE LIKES
John Paul Jones. It's a five piece now, by the way. I couldn't leave this guy out.
TO CONCLUDE...
So, there we are. Layne Staley, Flea, JPJ, Matt Bellamy and Dave Grohl. I christen the band Unexplained Stain. If you disagree with any of my nominees that is absolutely fine, you are entitled to your opinion. Just don't come round my house and expect to not be shot in your giblets with an air rifle. Kidding of course! I will treat your lower regions with the tender loving care and hospitality that they deserve. I need to find a middle ground somewhere...
So, Unexplained Stain, I've done the ground work. Up to you guys to talk to each other and see what we can do...
