We Are Born, Then We Die. May As Well Have Fun...

What is the meaning of life? A question that people have foolishly attempted to answer since nothing exploded and then the universe happened. Since then, the universe has constantly expanded and earth decided to arrive, bringing with it a plethora of utterly useless, meaningless life. Some life is pretty cool, like Megaladons and Platypuses. But some is stupid like, well, humans.

The human race is a waste of the apparent ‘gift’ of life. We are greedy, we are selfish, we are narcissistic, we are violent,  we are stupid. Yes, other animals appear stupid but relative to their body size, they have significantly smaller brains than us. However, they utilise them to their maximum potential. For example, a lion’s brain is wired to fight, feed and fuck. That is literally all that The Lion King would be for two and a half hours if Disney stuck to rigid standards of realism. 

A human’s brain is so intricate and complicated in its makeup that it has the potential to achieve so much more than it actually does. Yes, technology has come forward a hugely long way since the human race first learned that wiping their arse is actually a good thing. But to me, it just doesn't feel like people over history have gone much further than this arse wiping euphoria. 

Wife, Son! Come! You won't believe what I've just done!'

We are always at war with each other. We are constantly ruining our own planet with pollution and deforestation. The richer nations are getting more and more powerful while third world countries become weaker and poorer as the years go by. All humans in rich countries are concerned about is their next pay rise while people in poorer countries are simply worried about whether or not they will be alive tomorrow. This planet is an utter disaster because people are retards. 

This isn't a political post (trust me, they'll come) but politicians are the prime example of the potential we have wasted as a race. They symbolize our intrinsic greed and innate lust for power and wealth. They campaign to get elected and then once in, they do fuck all until the third year down the line when they begin appearing on morning news shows spouting bullshit about what they will do in the next four years. It particularly pisses me off when certain people, like David Cameron (I won't name names. Oh.) hop onto certain bandwagons to improve PR. Of course he was required to say something when Mandela shuffled off, fair enough, but he really didn't need to go on Twatter to say anything about footballer Thomas Hitzlsperger coming out as gay. What the fuck does that have to do with how he will do his job as Prime Minister of the UK?

It's taken me just 22 years but, I give up. I see life as a rather pointless thing at this stage in time. When you consider how vast the universe is and all other mysteries that are yet to be known the human race just seems a bit, y'know, pathetic and this viewpoint becomes more staunch the more you see David Cameron's stupidly huge forehead clogging up the television screen. I'm sure there is a bigger picture out there somewhere and that there is life on other planets in the universe and that there may even be a plan for the human race when it is obliterated by the sun in a billion years time. 

This life is all I've got so I may as well fucking enjoy it. 

I found the meaning of life.

Network Fail

7 quid. 7 fucking quid. I was warned very far in advance that it would happen, but I was still pissed when it actually did. Walking up to that ticket machine on a dark, dreary midweek night, I knew what the screen was going to tell me but I still reacted with surprise when it told me in its silly font: 'Warwick Parkway to Coventry. 1 adult. Anytime Day Single. £7.00.' 

Trains are probably one of the most mundane subjects you could possibly talk about so if you are bored, go to Twatter or porn or something. If you are one of the numerous jilted masses extremely pissed off at everything ever, grab a bottle of gin and read on.

Not advised: The Punctuation Drinking Game. 

Last year, that ticket cost me £6.40. Now, a rise of sixty pence is not much. At all. Inflation has been happening since man first learned that pointy stone kill mammoth and, in a small way, the rise is understandable. The railways are currently undergoing upgrades and the government foots 32% of the bill for this. My problem is that the quality of travel is absolutely not worth what we pay for it. 

Of course there is always foregoing the train fare if barriers are open but sod's law states very clearly that the one time I do this, there will me a miserly conductor on board just waiting to frisk me for my ticket. There is always hiding in the toilet but have you ever been in a train toilet? You know people and how gross they all are? Yeah.

My journey back from Warwick to Coventry involves getting on a Cross Country train from Leamington. This train is always late. It can range from between a petty five minutes to a forehead vein bursting half an hour. I’m guessing it gets held up by hundreds of students at Oxford who have decided in their privileged minds that the train track is now a cycle lane as well (there are A LOT of bicycles in Oxford) and the driver takes twenty minutes to pick the posh pricks out from beneath the train wheels. 

This particular train was on time. Because it's not in the UK. Zing. DfT, I zinged you, recognize!  

There was one day before Christmas at the height of shopping panic; I decided it would be extremely clever to get a 5.25 Saturday service. I expected it to be busy but with all the investment going into our fantastic rail services I believed that they would add an extra carriage to the train therefore relieving the other carriages from the duress of overcrowding. They took one away. Four carriages. On a train that goes between Manchester and Birmingham. At Christmas.

It mystifies me how the chancellor can say that the economy is on its way to recovery and yet I’m still picking dead moths out from the note section of my wallet. Yes the economy is doing okayish but people are not as their wages are not going up with the rate of inflation… some people have been stuck in jobs for years without any sort of pay rise. It’s utterly nonsensical. To be fair, this is actually the first time in years that the rail fares have actually gone with inflation. In the last couple of years the government just chucked a dart at a dartboard to work out the rise. '180! 180 percent.' 'Yeah that sounds about right.'

Fuck it. I'm getting a car.

A Very Brief Welcome

Hello all and welcome to Fatal Hope. You're probably on the wrong blog.

Writing isn't new to me. Back when I was the tender age of seventeen, I started a blog called 'The Confounder' which I contributed to on a very sporadic basis for a few years. But I wasn't brilliant at writing so it wasn't that good. I'm still not great now, but I'm giving it a go once more so I can improve at writing, while hopefully entertaining at the same time. I felt the need to add a niche in my otherwise pathetically useless existence among the pathetic existence of others. The aliens are laughing at us all!

Over the forseeable future, I'll be writing two(ish) articles every week for your ocular pleasure on any subject that bothers me enough to take to the interweb to mock. I shall be back...